got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
