I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
