I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
