you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
