This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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