my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
