The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
