First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
