your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
