Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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