Fuck appropriateness.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
