We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
