i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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