it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
