The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
