If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
