So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
