Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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