ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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