But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
