I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We have so much sex to catch up on
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
