My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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