I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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