I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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