I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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