You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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