Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I can't put those talents on a resume
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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