I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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