I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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