Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
