i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
