Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
