So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
