I can tuck mytits in my pants
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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