i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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