All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
