You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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