Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
