Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Randomize
