Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
