Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
