im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
