and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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