Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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