You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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