HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
