i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
