I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Less talking, more tequila
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
