I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
