its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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